Friday, August 15, 2008

Break Through

I feel that when I mention my oldest daughter it may be in negative light.  I don't mean it to be it's that she is not like normal children of her age.  She's always been high strung, high energy, explosive, emotional up and down.  Then on the flip side she can be compassionate, caring, sweet and the best helper a mother asks for.
My husband and I have discussed her ups and downs, her mood swings, her loudness and her resistance to change.  She was diagnosed with a hearing problem 2 years ago but we were told that she would grow out of it.  I think there is more that was over looked.  Ever since she was 3 she has flapped like an autistic child but she is very social unlike being autistic.  She has a very hard time reading people and while a look to a normal child will let them know to cut it out.  She on the other hand needs many verbal reminders.  When she finally realizes it she breaks down and cries, which isn't normal behavior.  
We could have her tested and be confirmed that she has Aspberger's.  Then she has a label that there really isn't a cure for.  Then she may feel that she's not right and be harder on herself than she already is.  She knows that she's different and she's okay with it.  
She was gone for 11 days and since she got back we have had our moments of butting heads and the emotional coaster rides she gets when she doesn't understand what it is she is doing is wrong.  On the good side I think it maybe sinking in that, some of what she does, does effect others around her.  That the world doesn't revolve around her and how her words do hurt others and she should think about what she says and does.  
We've been working on having her try to verbalize more than cry and throw a tantrum.  She doesn't quite get it sometimes but this week she finally did.  I let her watch Sabrina the Teenage Witch on Youtube.  I told her it was so close to her bed time that she could only watch 10 minutes of it.  So when one part was up that was it.  When time came, she was very upset and told me she hated me.  I reminded her what the deal was and why she was done for the night.  She went away and came back and apologized.  She was sorry for saying it and really didn't mean it.  I told her I understood how she felt but she needs to think before she speaks.  I know this really may not seem like a big deal to some but if you knew what hard times we've had with her not being explosive and crying, you would be proud too.  
It's a small step but it's a step I hope she can take to school with her and apply to her friends.  She doesn't explode in school, thank goodness but she does have a hard time not playing the same thing over and over again.  She seriously won't give up trying to persuade everyone to play what they've been playing.  I'm hoping when they say "No it's time for something else." she will go with the flow and not be stuck on repeat!  I'm keeping my fingers crossed and hoping that things are finally starting to click!


emma said...

First of all, I don't think you talk about your daughter negatively a lot here. Secondly, I think of of the things that can be hard about having more than one is that inevitably, one kid is easier than the other(s). This just makes the dificult one seem more dificult (at least I think so). I really liked the series of books starting with, "How To Talk So Your Kids Will Listen and Listen So Your Kids Will Talk" (and sequels). One of the things the authors talk about is how to NOT label your kids and to help them see themselves in a multi-facited and hopefully positive light. So when a teacher says "your kid can't sit still" answer with, "we find him to be very enthusiastic too." Turn it around. I know we all try to do this, but also think we all could use some help. I know I can (maybe a lot of help). It's presented in a fairly simplistic way, but I kind of like that - as a mom of four I don;t have a lot of time. Just tell me briefly what your idea is. And this book does just that. Sorry to give you a book related answer - what can I say. I'm a librarian.

Dawn Elizableth said...

Thanks Emma, I would very disappointed if you didn't give me the librarian! It is certainly hard, isn't it? Ever see 50 First Dates with 10 second Tom. At times with my daughter's hearing problem she's like that. While at times it can be funny other times it's frustrating, especially when things need to get done! I'm definitely going to look into the books!

Bree said...

Emma, I'm curious. When you say to the teacher, "we find him to be very enthusiastic too," do you then give the teacher some tools with which to help your child as well? Do you acknowledge that there is a problem and you are working on it?

My daughter has some mild behavior issues in class - she talks too much and sometimes doesn't focus on her work - but it *doesn't help my daughter or the teacher* to just give lip service. There's some follow up involved, right?

Dawn - good luck. Our son had a hearing problem until he was almost nine and it made life difficult. And when he did start to grow out of it, we never knew if he was truly not hearing us or if he was just ignoring. Probably not the issue you are dealing with though. And I'm with Emma in that I don't recall you speaking negatively about your daughter.